Abby Dads supports dads moving toward healthier relationships with their families through relationship-based training programs, as well as attachment parenting programming. Staff work with fathers, step-fathers, grandfathers and soon-to-be dads.

They run weekly drop-in groups and support dads in a range of issues, including parenting, intimate partner violence issues as well as teaching about importance of communication with spouses, children, and other family members. In addition to groups in English, there are Punjabi language offerings available. These groups allow fathers to connect with others with a shared language and cultural background.

Gurdeep first started attending Abby Dads programs in February 2023 with the encouragement of his lawyer. He believed the programs might help his ongoing court case regarding a conflict with his spouse.

One of the services Gurdeep accessed is Chai Time. Chai Time is a drop-in program for Punjabi Dads where men are given the opportunity to talk about their hardships, relationships, parenting, and anything else they may wish to discuss.

Punjabi Language Father Support Supervisor Nam Aujla runs Chai Time on Tuesday nights and helps create a welcoming environment where dads can openly share about their situations and the related emotions.

Before attending the weekly support group, Gurdeep recalled that he was unaware that communication was the foundation of building a healthy relationship.

He related that from his personal experience that, “in our culture, they never teach us how to communicate.”

From both the support workers and other fathers, Gurdeep has learnt the importance of making a conscious effort to have open conversations with his family.

He shared that he had implemented this practice into his daily life by sitting down at dinner and asking questions such as “how was your day?” or “what did you learn in school today?”

“You know there is a difference being made when children start to notice the changes as well. There have been times when kids have said ‘dad, you don’t get angry anymore,’ or ‘dad you have changed,’” says Nam.

“It’s not enough to tell somebody you are going to change; you have to show them to gain back their trust.”

Cultural Learning

Participants are used to handling most relationship issues individually and relate that they are occasionally surprised to learn about the laws and regulations regarding their situations.

“We sometimes have to explain why police are involved in what they would consider family matters,” says Nam.

For clients that have involvement with the Criminal Justice System, Abby Dads provides individual support, so they can move towards resolution. The first step to helping to make healthy changes is often helping fathers understand their reactions and how they can control their emotions.

“Ignorance isn’t an excuse, of course,” said Nam. “But when you haven’t seen healthy family dynamics demonstrated, it can be hard to know how to parent and partner any differently. We help unpack learnt behaviors, coping mechanisms, and expectations so that the men can be supportive parents and partners.”

New Friendships

“Sometimes the other dads come to my office, or we even go out for coffee or dinner. After our group is finished, we will all stand in the parking lot and just talk about things such as our court dates or just life in general,” says Gurdeep.

“With the close friendships these men have created with one another and similar life experiences, they are able to hold each other accountable,” says Nam.

It is almost impossible to be an outsider in the sense that they become comfortable with one another, making it easier for them to talk to each other about their feelings and emotions.

“It has been eye opening to see men crying and being open about their feelings,” says Prav, a Punjabi Father Support Worker. “Seeing other people willing to be vulnerable helps the other participants feel comfortable opening up as well.”

Coming from a culture where men are often taught to suppress their feelings, the support groups can provide a positive emotional outlet for many of the fathers.

Culturally Relevant Counselling 

In addition to the group sessions and individual support offered through Abby Dads, counselling is also often helpful.

One of the biggest challenges is finding culturally relevant counselling in Punjabi for the fathers. “Most men can communicate in English as well, but it is much easier to talk about difficult topics in your native language,” says Nam.

No matter the language, counselling can also be prohibitively expensive. Many fathers that attend the program are struggling to pay their rent or mortgage and provide for their families overall.

“If we were able to help them financially even a little bit that would be so helpful,” says Prav. Some clients with stronger English skills have been able to access free counselling through Archway’s short-term counselling program.

Hopes for the Future

The support group has been life-changing for him and has shown him how crucial spending time with his family can be.

“It only makes sense to have your partner learn about these components as well, otherwise you have one parent saying one thing while the other says another thing,” says Gurdeep.

The support group has benefitted his relationship with his family, and he wishes more Punjabi fathers knew that support for them is available in the community through Archway’s Abby Dads program.

*Name withheld to protect client privacy